What is All The Screaming About

A few months ago, I had this awful feeling in my stomach sitting outside for my morning coffee. I couldn’t help but hear my neighbors arguing over ‘who was going to go to the local store’. They must have sat there for ½ hour back and forth asking each other if they were both going together or she was going on her own. The lady was also bringing up a conversation about the day before at a family reunion, saying she was unhappy with the way he was acting and in that moment, I felt so sorry for those people. Why do people argue over the smallest thing? Does it make them feel better, more powerful, or are they just frustrated over things that really mean something to them?

You see, I have never been able to verbalize my feelings, my angry or hurt feelings and I sometimes envy those that can. But most people I know seem to take it to an extreme level of yelling and screaming.

It has been like what seems forever since I have been single (Not sure exactly, because my ex keeps playing the roller coaster game) not by choice of course, and I keep thinking: “Why do people in relationship argue over the smallest thing?”

At that moment in time, I am sure they don’t remember what it was like being alone, not having anyone to argue with or share their feelings with but why can’t people just enjoy each other when they have someone? I think I have had an eye opener; I don’t believe in fighting, or yelling or screaming at the top of your lungs just to get a point across but my way isn’t any better. I usually leave it all inside or cry about it. I could never see saying something so verbal when it might hurt the other person’s feelings. I guess it was
because I feared that if I did that they would just leave and not understand where these feelings were coming from anyone I have ever tried to get close too, or have feelings for has either never accepted me for who I am or never sat there long enough to listen. They would either judge me, or make some sarcastic remark about my feelings, makes you wonder why I never trusted anyone.

I did once, and ‘HE’ too broke my heart in the most profound way. And now here I am writing this in hopes to open my heart again or at least get a grip on where I went wrong in life. I need to find myself again. I need to learn how to say what I mean and feel
when I am feeling it, in that time and moment and trust that person standing there will listen and still be standing there when I am done.

I dedicate this to all those who have problems expressing themselves. I am currently reading a great book called: “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway” by Susan Jeffers. It has really touched me and has been helping me this past couple of weeks. I always feared
expressing myself and now, it doesn’t matter. I will tell it like it is and be the better for it.

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